A lot has been going on in my life in the past couple of months. I've had my share of ups & downs, joys & disappointments. Yet I see God in everything. Because He is in everything. Using it all to bring about His glory.
The following posts will be about the things that I have been experiencing lately with friends, with family, with church.
So, what can I say, enjoy?! ...
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
The Journey Home
I just graduated college when I wrote this journal. It was a very confusing time for me. As I was rereading this almost three years later, I find myself with the same sentiments. Oh, life! When will you ever make sense? But life is... well just read the journal...
January 14, 2008
Life is but a journey where with calloused feet and dirt on our shoes, we walk. Even though we don't exactly know where we're going, we can feel it. We have this longing that just won't go away. This longing for the Promised Land. That place where our hopes, dreams and desire to be complete, known & loved fully & freely, become a reality. Where we are beautiful.
That's what I really want, that's what all of us really want. No matter what stage I am in life, I will never be in that place, it's not home. I'm not in the Promised Land-yet.
But still there is a reason for this place-this wilderness, the desert. God has come to meet us here, to walk with us, to reveal Himself to us. To woo us, to awaken us to what we've been missing. He is pursuing us, chasing us, calling us on home.
God meets us in the wilderness & calls us to climb the mountain & stand beside Him on the rock. You see, here on earth the Promised Land is not a place, it is God’s presence. Moses was in the Promised Land when he was in God's presence. But not fully, he only saw a glimpse here on earth. We too get a mere glimpse. We have no idea of what will be there, where it will be both a place & a presence. In the Promised Land, there will be nothing holding us back from God's full presence. His beauty unveiled-we will behold Him just as He is. Unrestrained-unabridged. In that land no evil can grow, no root of bitterness. Only goodness, only holiness.
God ever initiating & inviting us. Biding us to let Him lead us on.
God the greatest gentlemen, my Knight in shining armor, my hero, my lifesaver, my Father, my brother, my lover. God-ever romancing us with His whispers of Home.
Home sweet Home.
January 14, 2008
Life is but a journey where with calloused feet and dirt on our shoes, we walk. Even though we don't exactly know where we're going, we can feel it. We have this longing that just won't go away. This longing for the Promised Land. That place where our hopes, dreams and desire to be complete, known & loved fully & freely, become a reality. Where we are beautiful.
That's what I really want, that's what all of us really want. No matter what stage I am in life, I will never be in that place, it's not home. I'm not in the Promised Land-yet.
But still there is a reason for this place-this wilderness, the desert. God has come to meet us here, to walk with us, to reveal Himself to us. To woo us, to awaken us to what we've been missing. He is pursuing us, chasing us, calling us on home.
God meets us in the wilderness & calls us to climb the mountain & stand beside Him on the rock. You see, here on earth the Promised Land is not a place, it is God’s presence. Moses was in the Promised Land when he was in God's presence. But not fully, he only saw a glimpse here on earth. We too get a mere glimpse. We have no idea of what will be there, where it will be both a place & a presence. In the Promised Land, there will be nothing holding us back from God's full presence. His beauty unveiled-we will behold Him just as He is. Unrestrained-unabridged. In that land no evil can grow, no root of bitterness. Only goodness, only holiness.
God ever initiating & inviting us. Biding us to let Him lead us on.
God the greatest gentlemen, my Knight in shining armor, my hero, my lifesaver, my Father, my brother, my lover. God-ever romancing us with His whispers of Home.
Home sweet Home.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
If only we knew...
I wrote this a few minutes ago. It's something that came to me while thinking about why I struggle with obeying God. Here goes...
January 12, 2011:
If we do not know God as ultimately being good, then we do not know God. Oft times, we have such trouble trusting God with the unknown & obeying Him with the known because we do not trust His motivations. We don't trust His heart toward us. We are deceived into thinking God is our enemy, when He is our lover. That God is jealous of us, when He is jealous for us. That God wants control, when He wants our freedom. If we really knew God, then we'd trust Him & obey Him.
If only we knew...
Therein lies the chief reason for existence. The reason why we are here. The reason we do church. The reason for marriage & work & everything. To know God.
Sheesh... I want to know Him.
January 12, 2011:
If we do not know God as ultimately being good, then we do not know God. Oft times, we have such trouble trusting God with the unknown & obeying Him with the known because we do not trust His motivations. We don't trust His heart toward us. We are deceived into thinking God is our enemy, when He is our lover. That God is jealous of us, when He is jealous for us. That God wants control, when He wants our freedom. If we really knew God, then we'd trust Him & obey Him.
If only we knew...
Therein lies the chief reason for existence. The reason why we are here. The reason we do church. The reason for marriage & work & everything. To know God.
Sheesh... I want to know Him.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Confession
This is quite difficult: I am going to share a very personal journal. One I wrote just last night. But this is me being vulnerable. Whoever you are reading, here is my confession.
Earlier this week, I was feeling so proud of myself for starting a blog. Pshhh... like these are my ideas anyway. I'm so prideful. I don't have it all together. I know, I'm a sinner.
Anyway, here is last night's journal.
January 7, 2011
What do I want? I want to be cool. I want to be popular. I want to be the one everyone wants. If I am really being real that is what I want. I want to be famous. I want to be lovely & charming & beautiful. How prideful I am. I don't want to be a person people feel sorry for, or a person people get annoyed by, or someone people just are sick of because I talk too much. Too this, too that.
I guess a lot of times I don't believe that the hard way is the worth it way. I feel that taking the easy way out is better. I guess I haven't seen the results of doing the right thing. I started out doing the right thing thinking it will make me feel better & because it will work out the best for me. I was doing the right thing for my own advantage. Not out of the right motives, not the motivation of loving God. Selfish Linda.
I'm not right, I am so wrong here. Wow! Have I come so far that I am manipulating myself into thinking I'm right & I am doing the right thing? I've tricked myself. Now tell me how does that happen? Well I've believed the enemies lies. I've totally bought into it. And I thought it was God, and I thought I was doing the right thing. Did I ever think that I myself can do the right thing? Is it not only in Christ that we are made righteous anyway?
Hmm.. Now I think I see why it's so hard for me to believe this truth. I'm living in the flesh & thinking it's the spirit, thinking I'm biblical when all along I am sowing my flesh. And I'm reaping my flesh- no duh? I like the flesh- I love the flesh, I want it to be all about me- I want to be the main character. My friend told me yesterday that God is the main character & oft times we live like it's all about us, but this is God's story. I want it to my story. When will my selfish heart get that it's not about me? The ultimate question is - do I love God or do I love myself? If I am going to be really honest, I have to say that I love myself way more ... shame on me ....
Hmmm well here I am God, I'm so fleshly, I've been faking it all this time. I've been sowing flesh, living in the flesh- pretending to be something I'm not. How do I get over this? I guess I don't do anything- that's the gospel, God does it all. I just respond. God help me!
I'm pretty down ... I'm pretty ruined, I'm undone.
Earlier this week, I was feeling so proud of myself for starting a blog. Pshhh... like these are my ideas anyway. I'm so prideful. I don't have it all together. I know, I'm a sinner.
Anyway, here is last night's journal.
January 7, 2011
What do I want? I want to be cool. I want to be popular. I want to be the one everyone wants. If I am really being real that is what I want. I want to be famous. I want to be lovely & charming & beautiful. How prideful I am. I don't want to be a person people feel sorry for, or a person people get annoyed by, or someone people just are sick of because I talk too much. Too this, too that.
I guess a lot of times I don't believe that the hard way is the worth it way. I feel that taking the easy way out is better. I guess I haven't seen the results of doing the right thing. I started out doing the right thing thinking it will make me feel better & because it will work out the best for me. I was doing the right thing for my own advantage. Not out of the right motives, not the motivation of loving God. Selfish Linda.
I'm not right, I am so wrong here. Wow! Have I come so far that I am manipulating myself into thinking I'm right & I am doing the right thing? I've tricked myself. Now tell me how does that happen? Well I've believed the enemies lies. I've totally bought into it. And I thought it was God, and I thought I was doing the right thing. Did I ever think that I myself can do the right thing? Is it not only in Christ that we are made righteous anyway?
Hmm.. Now I think I see why it's so hard for me to believe this truth. I'm living in the flesh & thinking it's the spirit, thinking I'm biblical when all along I am sowing my flesh. And I'm reaping my flesh- no duh? I like the flesh- I love the flesh, I want it to be all about me- I want to be the main character. My friend told me yesterday that God is the main character & oft times we live like it's all about us, but this is God's story. I want it to my story. When will my selfish heart get that it's not about me? The ultimate question is - do I love God or do I love myself? If I am going to be really honest, I have to say that I love myself way more ... shame on me ....
Hmmm well here I am God, I'm so fleshly, I've been faking it all this time. I've been sowing flesh, living in the flesh- pretending to be something I'm not. How do I get over this? I guess I don't do anything- that's the gospel, God does it all. I just respond. God help me!
I'm pretty down ... I'm pretty ruined, I'm undone.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
l'chiam
My favorite miracle of Jesus has to be his first one. Water into wine. To that I say a big "O ya!" Anyone who disputes wine as being unbiblical can just go to John 2. This is what God does with all of our lives. He turns water into wine. Nothing into something. Ashes into beauty. Sinners into Saints. Ugly into beautiful. Weakness into strength. The process of making wine intrigues me, there is something deep here that we shouldn't miss. For if we miss this, we'll miss the beauty of the process that leads to joy. Let me explain...
from my October 25, 2010 journal:
I don't want to be brash, hasty, or impatient. Lord you are teaching me your time is best.
"How wonderful, How lovely is Your name, You captivate our hearts, You save us by Your grace"-Leeland
Let me just add to that song, how lovely is Your way God, Your way is grace. It is all grace.
Let me just add to that song, how lovely is Your way God, Your way is grace. It is all grace.
Even when You make me wait, it's grace, because You are showing me more of Your love. You are just saving it up, You are preparing a great feast, we will say of You God, "You have kept the good wine until now!" John 2:10
My life is like wine -the more I wait for the wine, the better it will be.
God is fermenting my life.. making it better.. I'm going from grape juice to wine...
God is doing something in the fermenting process.
He is making something beautiful here in the darkness.
Something beautiful is happening in the silence, in the quiet.
He is making all things good, and all things better than they were ever before
Ughh... Lord you are so good!
The word's greatest pleasures will run down, will deplete, erode, fade...
but with God we go deeper & deeper into fullness, into abundance. It just gets better & better ...
We drink of God's water but soon, soon, we will drink deep, sweet, full wine..this is the Resurrection
Like good wine, God's servant is most valuable when taken through much pressure & difficulty that in the end brings much glory & everlasting joy
2 Corinthians 4:8-10
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
Isaiah 61:3
and to help the sorrowing people of Jerusalem.
I will give them a crown to replace their ashes,
and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow,
and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness.
Then they will be called Trees of Goodness,
trees planted by the Lord to show his greatness.
Isaiah 61:7
Instead of being ashamed, my people will receive twice as much wealth.
Instead of being disgraced, they will be happy because of what they receive.
They will receive a double share of the land,
so their happiness will continue forever.
Psalm 30:5
Crying may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
Psalm 126:5-6
Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!
He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.
Like good wine, God's servant is most valuable when taken through much pressure & difficulty that in the end brings much glory & everlasting joy
2 Corinthians 4:8-10
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
Isaiah 61:3
and to help the sorrowing people of Jerusalem.
I will give them a crown to replace their ashes,
and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow,
and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness.
Then they will be called Trees of Goodness,
trees planted by the Lord to show his greatness.
Isaiah 61:7
Instead of being ashamed, my people will receive twice as much wealth.
Instead of being disgraced, they will be happy because of what they receive.
They will receive a double share of the land,
so their happiness will continue forever.
Psalm 30:5
Crying may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
Psalm 126:5-6
Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!
He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.
"He makes wine that makes glad the heart of man" Psalm 104:15
"Isn't it just like you to make wine out of dirty water" -"Mud Song" by The Blackthorn Project
"Out of the presses of pain, comes the soul's best wine" -Streams in the Desert
Monday, January 3, 2011
The Great Romance
From my journal on September 6, 2010:
"Yes, God has loved us with an everlasting love...therefore with lovingkindness He has drawn us.. He will build us & we will be rebuilt." Jeremiah 31:3
God is ever romancing us with His painted skies ..His creation... splendor, majesty, glory
His songs, His insects, His harmony ...
His order, His sunrises, sunsets...
His poetry, His truth, His beauty...
His might, His strength, His leadership...
Who has the ability to turn night into day? This is God ... this is His Great Romance
God doesn't manipulate us so that He can control us-what God wants to do is love us. God doesn't desire empty words & mindless praise. God doesn't want soldiers, He wants lovers... He doesn't want law abiders, He wants a bride, a real love relationship-where we can be truly ourselves. We are His Beloved.
So maybe this doesn't sit too well with the male readers, but I say to you guys who are reading, that you too enjoy the benefits of being in love. You are not immune to the beauty & wonder of love on any level. Of course, this is a girl's perspective & some would complain that I'm a hopeless romantic. Someone once told me that I'm a hopeful romantic. Hopeful romantic. Yes. I like that better. As far as I'm concerned, being a hopeful romantic is completely Biblical. Romance is the greatest metaphor that is used to describe Christ & His Beloved Church. To that I say a loud & wholehearted "Amen"!
The Great Romance idea inspired by Ted DeKker's "The Circle Trilogy" books & by Jason Gray's song "More Like Falling in Love"
"Yes, God has loved us with an everlasting love...therefore with lovingkindness He has drawn us.. He will build us & we will be rebuilt." Jeremiah 31:3
God is ever romancing us with His painted skies ..His creation... splendor, majesty, glory
His songs, His insects, His harmony ...
His order, His sunrises, sunsets...
His poetry, His truth, His beauty...
His might, His strength, His leadership...
Who has the ability to turn night into day? This is God ... this is His Great Romance
God doesn't manipulate us so that He can control us-what God wants to do is love us. God doesn't desire empty words & mindless praise. God doesn't want soldiers, He wants lovers... He doesn't want law abiders, He wants a bride, a real love relationship-where we can be truly ourselves. We are His Beloved.
So maybe this doesn't sit too well with the male readers, but I say to you guys who are reading, that you too enjoy the benefits of being in love. You are not immune to the beauty & wonder of love on any level. Of course, this is a girl's perspective & some would complain that I'm a hopeless romantic. Someone once told me that I'm a hopeful romantic. Hopeful romantic. Yes. I like that better. As far as I'm concerned, being a hopeful romantic is completely Biblical. Romance is the greatest metaphor that is used to describe Christ & His Beloved Church. To that I say a loud & wholehearted "Amen"!
The Great Romance idea inspired by Ted DeKker's "The Circle Trilogy" books & by Jason Gray's song "More Like Falling in Love"
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Where am I going?
A good friend bought me "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers. Today's devotional from Mr. Chambers reminded me of a journal I wrote a while ago.
"Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do-He reveals to you who He is." -O.C.
Here is my journal from June 15, 2008:
Today at church the assistant pastor preached about Genesis 12- a moving sermon about Abram. One thing that stuck out was "You'll never know exactly what God wants you to do-as in the whole picture-you'll know enough for the next step. God wants you to walk with Him & learn to trust Him for the next step."
We must constantly be waiting on God's lead to tell us what to do next... "Then the Lord appeared to Abram and said.." Genesis 12:7
God often gives us lofty hopes & grand promises with no clear direction on how they will be accomplished. God doesn't want to reveal the directions because He wants to reveal Himself.
On my way home, I thought of when people give me directions. Usually they write the whole thing down but it's very different when that person is in the car with me. They just wait until I get to the next point & then tell me where to go next. They do this because we are on the journey together. And so it is with God. God doesn't need to tell me exactly every step because He will tell me on the way, He is on the journey with me. He is with me, Emmanuel.
Some other thoughts on this topic from other devotionals I've read years ago:
"I am learning to trust God by stepping out into an adventure of obedience & discovering for myself that He is trustworthy. Help me to take the next step of faith, even when I don't see where I'm going. I will choose to trust You."
"God's heart is to reach people in every city, country, and continent, and that often involves a risk on our part."
"Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do-He reveals to you who He is." -O.C.
Here is my journal from June 15, 2008:
Today at church the assistant pastor preached about Genesis 12- a moving sermon about Abram. One thing that stuck out was "You'll never know exactly what God wants you to do-as in the whole picture-you'll know enough for the next step. God wants you to walk with Him & learn to trust Him for the next step."
We must constantly be waiting on God's lead to tell us what to do next... "Then the Lord appeared to Abram and said.." Genesis 12:7
God often gives us lofty hopes & grand promises with no clear direction on how they will be accomplished. God doesn't want to reveal the directions because He wants to reveal Himself.
On my way home, I thought of when people give me directions. Usually they write the whole thing down but it's very different when that person is in the car with me. They just wait until I get to the next point & then tell me where to go next. They do this because we are on the journey together. And so it is with God. God doesn't need to tell me exactly every step because He will tell me on the way, He is on the journey with me. He is with me, Emmanuel.
Some other thoughts on this topic from other devotionals I've read years ago:
"I am learning to trust God by stepping out into an adventure of obedience & discovering for myself that He is trustworthy. Help me to take the next step of faith, even when I don't see where I'm going. I will choose to trust You."
"God's heart is to reach people in every city, country, and continent, and that often involves a risk on our part."
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