November 22, 2011
I'm listening to Christmas music at the library and I realize that it's been almost a month since my last update. I almost dread writing because there is so much to say and words do not suffice to describe all that is happening with me.
I'm going to miss spending Thanksgiving on Thursday with my family and with my friends on our traditional Friday Thanksgiving potluck. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Each student had to present about a name of God for 5 minutes. The goal is to practice for outreach and condense all we want to say. It's been really fun doing this & trying to come up with something deep & profound in just a couple of minutes. The last presentation this past Friday was very impactful to me; the Lion of the tribe of Judah. I wasted lots of time late Thursday night just getting lost on the subject of Jesus as the lion researching facts about lions and listening to their roar on The National Geographic website.
Something happened towards the end of my little speech that I can only define as the Spirit of the Lord touching me. As some of you may or may not know, I am a pretty emotional person, but it is kind of hard to cry in front of people. Oh, I'll cry at a movie in the dark but I try to avoid it in public.
But I was moved to tears by the thought that God used the tribe of Judah, the 5th born of the least favored wife of Jacob and the one who was the intercessor of his little brother. Jesus the humble king, who chose to come to us as a baby; weak, subtle, quiet, unexpected. This is Judah. I heard somewhere that Jesus did not come through the Levites as one would expect but through the tribe of Judah, good ol' Judah who is a lot like me; unnoticed, weak, a train wreck.
I was moved by Jesus humble ways, and the foreshadow of Jesus in Genesis 44 when Judah was willing to take his brother's place to be a slave, to take the blame, to carry all the weight of the consequence because He knew how much the Father loved his brother. And he loved his brother. He did it for his brother & for his Father.
I am very excited & nervous, in about ten days we will leave for our outreach to Malaysia & Thailand. Woot! Crazy! We will be working with kids mostly so it should be lots of fun but super busy. Please send out a prayer for us.
I've changed a lot since I came here. My views on a lot of things are different like the Holy Spirit & Reformed theology etc. I'd be happy to share but I think that is enough information for now.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
How about an update eh?!
October 25, 2011
I went back home for my friend Dana & Casey's wedding which was super fun & I got to see my family too which was really special for me!
This past week we were in Alberta, Canada, the next province over which is about a 14 hour drive from where we live. We went to a conference along with three other ywam schools from across Canada. It was called the "Go Conference" to make us aware of the unreached across the world like the countries in the 10/40 window. For more information about this conference or summaries of each day visit: http://www.ywamnexia.org/mobilizing/conferences.html
Today is day 44 since I've been here & I must say it's been awesome. And sometimes the awesome-ness is also very difficult & filled with self confrontation. I feel attacked many times in my sleep by bad dreams & also by my thoughts of distraction. I feel self conscious & battle lies I've believed for years.
I've noticed that I am afraid to ask God what He thinks or what is next. I'm afraid of God. Wow. Isn't that weird?! I'm afraid because I am so unclean, so ashamed of myself, of my humanity & I'm afraid to be rejected. But this is not God's heart towards me, towards us. He loves us. He has good news for me.
As you may or may not know, I love Jars of Clay & love singing God those songs. What is absolutely incredible is that when I do set out to ask God what He thinks of me & the mess I've made or what is His heart towards me, I find that He is singing those songs back to me. That is so touching. I am brought to tears! Such tender love.
Some of the things God says to me is
"I want to make you sing another love song. I want you to trust someone, me. Let me pick you up. Don't bury your head full of shame, you look like me!"
"I want to make you sing another love song. I want you to trust someone, me. Let me pick you up. Don't bury your head full of shame, you look like me!"
"No one loves you like me"
Ugh! Such good news. So though I beat myself up, God's love reaches to the heavens & His faithfulness to the skies. (psalm 36:5)
That is a good enough update for now. More to come, I'm sure!
Love, Linda
Saturday, October 1, 2011
For the world you love
October 1, 2011
God loves the world. The broken. The sick. The weary. The oppressed. Especially the oppressed.
Every Thursday we have intercession for the world. This week's topic was human trafficking. I was appalled, disturbed and just really really angry at what I found.
God is angry too.
I found out that human trafficking is going on all over the world. It is defined as selling people for forced labor or sexual exploitation. Most women who are prostitutes are kidnapped & forced into the industry from all parts of the world; they think they will work as a nanny or housekeeper in another country. Many of these women come from China, Korea, Eastern Europe, places like Moldova, & Ukrainian orphanages, yes the people who run the orphanages actual arrange for the orphan girls & boys to be sold.
The bottom line in all of this is that God cares about these people. There are people out there that are addicted to pornography & most of those women in those videos are trafficked. They are adding to human traffic injustice & they think that what they are doing is only affecting them.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
My Canada Experience So Far..
September 24, 2011
Well here I am at the library on our day off. It's been an amazing time so far, feels like I've been here forever but it's only week 3 wild!
I love not having a computer or a phone, makes me think I was made to be technology free.
There is so much to say about what's been going on, so much that I feel that I can't put into words or describe, you just gotta be here. But I'll try...
First of all, we have a schedule to follow each day, & it is a full one! Each day we have class for about four hours a day then in the afternoon for about three and a half hours we do things like community involvement, one on ones, outreach preparation & intercession, bible study, processing & review. Every afternoon the schedule changes so we don't do all those things in one day.
We also have work duties and my work duty along with two others is to prepare the meal each night Monday-Friday. Mom, you'd be so proud! It's great because the food & recipe is already prepared for us, all we have to do is put it all together, I've really enjoyed doing this. Cooking for twenty people each night, wow I didn't think I could do that.
So what am I learning so far? Well this week we had a guest speaker named Luba and she spoke about hearing the voice of God, I took like fourteen pages of notes, yikes!
But here's are some things that stood out to me:
Sometimes God's answer needs to come in a group setting.
Am I living for God's glory? If so, it doesn't matter how long it takes.
There are promises to those who fear God.
God cares about our healing & the world.
Hearing God is a process, the process of relationship.
God cherishes intimacy over activity.
Relationship is mostly intimacy & communication.
God can't be put in a box because He wants us continuously in relationship, asking.
God does not see us as damaged but as just what He wanted.
We also had a time of prayer with Luba & the staff where we each took turns confessing lies we've believed about God, ourselves or others & then they spoke over us truth & what God says. It was amazing!
I've had a chance to have some amazing conversations with people while we walked to the little Asian church we're renting, or while we're cooking, or just hanging out before we go to sleep. Throughout these convos I've noticed that we are struggling, we are each wanting desperately to hear God's voice on what to do, and how to be but it is hard. Which makes me think that there is a war going on, that what we are doing is primarily spiritual & the things that we are struggling with whether it's an insecurity, or an annoyance, or a distraction is spiritual & we must pray that God would help us & not let the enemy win.
So with all that said, what you could do after reading this is send up a prayer for us, the students, the speakers, the staff. God is definitely at work!
Love you guys!
Well here I am at the library on our day off. It's been an amazing time so far, feels like I've been here forever but it's only week 3 wild!
I love not having a computer or a phone, makes me think I was made to be technology free.
There is so much to say about what's been going on, so much that I feel that I can't put into words or describe, you just gotta be here. But I'll try...
First of all, we have a schedule to follow each day, & it is a full one! Each day we have class for about four hours a day then in the afternoon for about three and a half hours we do things like community involvement, one on ones, outreach preparation & intercession, bible study, processing & review. Every afternoon the schedule changes so we don't do all those things in one day.
We also have work duties and my work duty along with two others is to prepare the meal each night Monday-Friday. Mom, you'd be so proud! It's great because the food & recipe is already prepared for us, all we have to do is put it all together, I've really enjoyed doing this. Cooking for twenty people each night, wow I didn't think I could do that.
So what am I learning so far? Well this week we had a guest speaker named Luba and she spoke about hearing the voice of God, I took like fourteen pages of notes, yikes!
But here's are some things that stood out to me:
Sometimes God's answer needs to come in a group setting.
Am I living for God's glory? If so, it doesn't matter how long it takes.
There are promises to those who fear God.
God cares about our healing & the world.
Hearing God is a process, the process of relationship.
God cherishes intimacy over activity.
Relationship is mostly intimacy & communication.
God can't be put in a box because He wants us continuously in relationship, asking.
God does not see us as damaged but as just what He wanted.
We also had a time of prayer with Luba & the staff where we each took turns confessing lies we've believed about God, ourselves or others & then they spoke over us truth & what God says. It was amazing!
I've had a chance to have some amazing conversations with people while we walked to the little Asian church we're renting, or while we're cooking, or just hanging out before we go to sleep. Throughout these convos I've noticed that we are struggling, we are each wanting desperately to hear God's voice on what to do, and how to be but it is hard. Which makes me think that there is a war going on, that what we are doing is primarily spiritual & the things that we are struggling with whether it's an insecurity, or an annoyance, or a distraction is spiritual & we must pray that God would help us & not let the enemy win.
So with all that said, what you could do after reading this is send up a prayer for us, the students, the speakers, the staff. God is definitely at work!
Love you guys!
Monday, August 29, 2011
The Pruning Season
February 3, 2011
Based on Scripture reflection from John 15:2, "and every tree that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit."
Farmers know that pruning happens every year. I saw a video on how to prune a vine & it had diagrams. Some particular diagrams had fruit while others were completely empty, just lonely branches. The vinedresser knows just because the vine doesn't have fruit at a certain time doesn't mean it's unfruitful. It just means it's not the season of harvest. My friend Laura wrote an email about this topic:
"Every season is not a harvest season. There are plowing seasons, planting seasons, watering seasons, etc. Without the other seasons we wouldn't really be prepared or fully matured. It is during the plowing season (pruning) that God brings to light what needs to be dealt with."
Pruning is good & right. Even though it may not look like anything worthy of fruit is happening-that is exactly what is going on. The vinedresser knows that pruning will make the branches able to produce more & even better fruit.
Humbled & joyful-being pruned should leave us in this state of mind of two seemingly opposites; knowing we can't do it all & we need God, but God loves us & is completely smitten by us & He wants my joy to be full John 15:11, "that your joy may be full."
The most healthy & beautiful fruit come from vines that have been pruned & tended to. Pruning is like being humbled: no leaves, no fruit, empty, naked, torn, seemingly useless. But when we see that it's not us it's the vindresser, it's not the branches rather it's the vine, then we can rejoice & be happy with the pruning because we trust the vine, the vinedresser & the process of growing fruit.
Joy in humility
How can we be happy when we are aware of our wretched putrid sin? When we're truly humble, we see don't see us anymore, we see God. And He is the reason for our joy because of who He is. Zephaniah 3:19 "God says, "I will save the lame... I will appoint them for praise & fame in every land where they were put to shame." I trust that fruit will grow because the vine dresser is cultivating me. Pruning makes us ever aware that it's not about the branches, but about the vinedresser.
Based on Scripture reflection from John 15:2, "and every tree that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit."
Farmers know that pruning happens every year. I saw a video on how to prune a vine & it had diagrams. Some particular diagrams had fruit while others were completely empty, just lonely branches. The vinedresser knows just because the vine doesn't have fruit at a certain time doesn't mean it's unfruitful. It just means it's not the season of harvest. My friend Laura wrote an email about this topic:
"Every season is not a harvest season. There are plowing seasons, planting seasons, watering seasons, etc. Without the other seasons we wouldn't really be prepared or fully matured. It is during the plowing season (pruning) that God brings to light what needs to be dealt with."
Pruning is good & right. Even though it may not look like anything worthy of fruit is happening-that is exactly what is going on. The vinedresser knows that pruning will make the branches able to produce more & even better fruit.
Humbled & joyful-being pruned should leave us in this state of mind of two seemingly opposites; knowing we can't do it all & we need God, but God loves us & is completely smitten by us & He wants my joy to be full John 15:11, "that your joy may be full."
The most healthy & beautiful fruit come from vines that have been pruned & tended to. Pruning is like being humbled: no leaves, no fruit, empty, naked, torn, seemingly useless. But when we see that it's not us it's the vindresser, it's not the branches rather it's the vine, then we can rejoice & be happy with the pruning because we trust the vine, the vinedresser & the process of growing fruit.
Joy in humility
How can we be happy when we are aware of our wretched putrid sin? When we're truly humble, we see don't see us anymore, we see God. And He is the reason for our joy because of who He is. Zephaniah 3:19 "God says, "I will save the lame... I will appoint them for praise & fame in every land where they were put to shame." I trust that fruit will grow because the vine dresser is cultivating me. Pruning makes us ever aware that it's not about the branches, but about the vinedresser.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
The knowledge of evil
July 23, 2011
I'm so hurt & broken by human suffering, by what our sins have done to us, by the vicious cycle of hiding. We have all believed the lie that we have never been loved, the lie that was told to Adam & Eve. Oh humanity what have we done? All of us have lost the innocence of knowing we are loved. Sure we have knowledge, like the enemy promised: knowledge of suffering, hurt, pain, devastation.
The knowledge that we lost, because we gained knowledge of evil, is that we are loved. But God restores this knowledge to us.
But we run to other humans to try to gain the knowledge that we are loved. Human love will never be enough for us. We are broken cisterns that will run dry.
We are all shadows. Everything here on earth is a shadow of the reality in Christ. My dad was never supposed to be the real thing. The best my dad had to offer me is just a shadow of who God is, & I can look to the shadow to expect something greater.
My dad couldn't give me what I needed-who could? The truth I am coming to realize is the only one who could give me knowledge that I am loved is God. God's essence is love. From Him can we be loved. He is the source.
This happens by the cross. The cross tells us we are loved & God absorbs the knowledge of evil. God has cried all the tears of the world. The hurt & brokenness I feel is a small magnitude of what God felt on the cross. God put our tears in His bottle like the psalmist says & poured them out on the cross when He took our shame, our sin & everything that comes with sin. All the repercussions: pain, sorrow, anxiety, heart break.
What we feel, You've felt more. You've been feeling for all eternity, since You had the cross in mind before the foundations of the world. What You have done to show Yourself fully intimate, fully close must far outweigh any hurt, pain, or devastation that You endured. Your Father heart fully arrayed in love must be so worth it that all the suffering that ever happened, all the sin of the world combined can't even taint what You are going to show us. For You had this all planned out. And You counted the cost & in Your everlasting wisdom, You saw that the end would far outweigh the means.
The pain is worth the thunder
I'm so hurt & broken by human suffering, by what our sins have done to us, by the vicious cycle of hiding. We have all believed the lie that we have never been loved, the lie that was told to Adam & Eve. Oh humanity what have we done? All of us have lost the innocence of knowing we are loved. Sure we have knowledge, like the enemy promised: knowledge of suffering, hurt, pain, devastation.
The knowledge that we lost, because we gained knowledge of evil, is that we are loved. But God restores this knowledge to us.
But we run to other humans to try to gain the knowledge that we are loved. Human love will never be enough for us. We are broken cisterns that will run dry.
We are all shadows. Everything here on earth is a shadow of the reality in Christ. My dad was never supposed to be the real thing. The best my dad had to offer me is just a shadow of who God is, & I can look to the shadow to expect something greater.
My dad couldn't give me what I needed-who could? The truth I am coming to realize is the only one who could give me knowledge that I am loved is God. God's essence is love. From Him can we be loved. He is the source.
This happens by the cross. The cross tells us we are loved & God absorbs the knowledge of evil. God has cried all the tears of the world. The hurt & brokenness I feel is a small magnitude of what God felt on the cross. God put our tears in His bottle like the psalmist says & poured them out on the cross when He took our shame, our sin & everything that comes with sin. All the repercussions: pain, sorrow, anxiety, heart break.
What we feel, You've felt more. You've been feeling for all eternity, since You had the cross in mind before the foundations of the world. What You have done to show Yourself fully intimate, fully close must far outweigh any hurt, pain, or devastation that You endured. Your Father heart fully arrayed in love must be so worth it that all the suffering that ever happened, all the sin of the world combined can't even taint what You are going to show us. For You had this all planned out. And You counted the cost & in Your everlasting wisdom, You saw that the end would far outweigh the means.
The pain is worth the thunder
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
This strong intimate God
July 9, 2011
"God regulates the universe by the mighty power of His command." Hebrews 1:3
"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart." Psalm 34:18
God is so big. Big enough to fill the needs of my heart. I've been writing about brokenness, but I've come to realize that writing about it & accepting it are two different things. It's so hard to embrace the brokenness & just sit in it, it's so painful.
I guess God has allowed this breaking to show me I am in need. I am so in need of You God. You are so big, yet so close. You regulate this universe, yet you break my heart so I can run to You. You want me near. You want to show me Your goodness, to whisper Your love. Your word is so strong that You uphold all things by it, yet Your words to me are so kind & romantic.
I admit God that only You can be my dream. My dream of a family, of a husband are found in You, oh God! I only want to dream of You, those dreams are real. So God, use my broken heart to bring You glory. Lord I return my heart to You, You are the only one that can fill my heart. You are all I've got Lord.
Lord, You are everything I've been looking for, all the movies, all the songs, all the sunsets, all the moments, all the longings are found in You.
God meet me here...all along I was looking for You...I am looking for You...I'll always be looking for You.
"To have found You & still be looking for You
It's the soul's paradox of love
Ah You fill my cup, I lift it up for more
I won't stop now that I'm free
I'll be chasing You like You chased me" -newsboys
"God regulates the universe by the mighty power of His command." Hebrews 1:3
"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart." Psalm 34:18
God is so big. Big enough to fill the needs of my heart. I've been writing about brokenness, but I've come to realize that writing about it & accepting it are two different things. It's so hard to embrace the brokenness & just sit in it, it's so painful.
I guess God has allowed this breaking to show me I am in need. I am so in need of You God. You are so big, yet so close. You regulate this universe, yet you break my heart so I can run to You. You want me near. You want to show me Your goodness, to whisper Your love. Your word is so strong that You uphold all things by it, yet Your words to me are so kind & romantic.
I admit God that only You can be my dream. My dream of a family, of a husband are found in You, oh God! I only want to dream of You, those dreams are real. So God, use my broken heart to bring You glory. Lord I return my heart to You, You are the only one that can fill my heart. You are all I've got Lord.
Lord, You are everything I've been looking for, all the movies, all the songs, all the sunsets, all the moments, all the longings are found in You.
God meet me here...all along I was looking for You...I am looking for You...I'll always be looking for You.
"To have found You & still be looking for You
It's the soul's paradox of love
Ah You fill my cup, I lift it up for more
I won't stop now that I'm free
I'll be chasing You like You chased me" -newsboys
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