For Mishu

I had the privelage to speak at the funeral of my dear friend Mishu who died December 27, 2010. Here is what I said.

January 16, 2011
 

Mishu lived with me and my family a short time during the summer of '09.  Even in that short time, many from Arizona had a chance to experience & enjoy Mishu.  We found ourselves encouraged & inspired.  And his heart.  Mishu's heart was so special.  We remember him at our Charity Cup dinner speaking just hours after a long plane ride.  Even though he was probably exhausted, he helped us clean up at the end.  Even my last converstation with Mishu at the Charity Cup Christmas concert Mishu had the same heart.  After a long conversation with him, I ended our discussion by stating I had to take down the pictures I had hung up earlier.  Lo & behold, seconds later Mishu was right there, helping out.  I speak on behalf of people from Arizona when I say what a privelage it was to have Mishu around us, even for a short time.

 

"Chance is banished from the faith of Christians, for they see the hand of God in everything."-Devotional.  Me & my family often wondered why Mishu quickly decided to leave just two months after moving here, as many of you perhaps wondered why Mishu left your city.  But even here I see the hand of God.  If Mishu wasn't always "on the move" mabye many of us wouldn't of had the chance to know him better.  And for you sitting here today, (reading this today), this isn't chance.  But this moment, right now, is ordained by the hand of God.  Just like Psalm 139:16 says, "God saw us before we were born-everyday of our lives were recorded in His book, the days that were ordained for us as yet there was none of them.  Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."

 

And so we can say that God was in control of when Mishu lived & when he died.  God ordained Mishu's sunset.  This was Mishu's sunset.  For the Christian, death is but a sunset.  "How strange this fear of death is! We are never frightened at a sunset."-George MacDonald I'll rephrase that a bit and say, we don't mourn indefinetely over a sunset.  We are not in despair when a sun sets.  Rather, we enjoy it, take in the beauty, & rejoice in what was. 

 

Just like a sunset, for the Christian the end is not the end.  We have something to look forward to.  The end of one day makes room for another day to gloriously rise.  Our glorious day after our sunset.  A place where "no eye has seen, no ear has heard", something beyond our imagination. 

 

Our friend, our brother, Mishu only got to our Father's house earlier than we did.  As Christians, we can rejoice in what God has done in Mishu's life & look forward to what will be.  We will be spending eternity with our Father & our whole family, the family of God.  So Mishu, this is not goodbye, it's see you later. 

Towards Our Brothers...

The following is the response to the question that ends the previous blog.  "The question is can we still love & part ways?  Can we choose to live life differently & still be loving & unified in Christ?"

January 14, 2011
What is love towards brothers?  Does it mean to agree with everything?  Does it mean to stay together no matter what?  To some, this means love, but I don't think it means love to the Christian.  In the situation of church I mean.

I think as Christians part of being in a church has to do with callings.  You should be part of a church that you can fulfill your calling in.  So when you leave a church because you are not fulfilling your calling by being there, I don't think leaving is not showing love.  It is just a difference of calling.  For example, just because I quit my job doesn't mean I hate everyone there.  In fact, I worked at In-N-Out and quit because I'm a teacher, that is my calling.  I love dearly the people there and every time I see them I rejoice.  But, we had to part ways. 

I don't think love is a feeling or an emotion.  I think it's part of love, but especially in regards to everyone except your spouse, I think love has very little to do with emotion.  Love is a choice.  Love it to understand others' point of view.  Love is to not look down on someone because they are different than you.  Love is appreciating and recognizing someone's strengths.  But love is also discipline, accountability, honesty.  Love is being truthful.  Love is being real, authentic. 

I love my students but I don't join them in what they do.  I love my friend, but I don't agree with her view of God.  So can you understand, appreciate, be honest, encourage (all of which are synonyms for love) the older generation and not stay on the same path with them?  I think the answer to that is yes. 

Another question you asked is "Do we feel anything towards them?" I think we should not leave in anger, bitterness, frustration, or pride.  Those are feelings that you shouldn't feel towards them. These are feelings that the flesh produces. Instead we should feel compassion, gentleness, patience, humbleness. These are more than feelings.  We can't of our own doing make ourselves compassionate, gentle, humble, or patient.  This is supernatural.  Only God can make us love.  I think when we look at another human soul, we should like C.S. Lewis realize that we don't see just a person but instead a soul.  A valuable soul. And we should love their soul. 

"Remeber that the dulest & most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship...

 There are no 'ordinary' people. You have never talked to a mere mortal." -The Weight of Glory

By love, I mean to respect & value the other person just because of that, because they are a person.  They are created by God.  They have value.  Because if we have to agree to love, then how come God calls us to love the sinner?  How come God calls us to love the drunk, the prodigal? We don't agree with them, we love them because they are made by God and they have intrinsic value.


I'd also like to write about this comment you made:
"In all reality, when a human being disagrees with another one there is naturally some sort of tension there. Maybe we shouldn't even fight the way feel towards one another."

Yes I agree.  But what you are missing here is that there is something that we can receive that is beyond the tension & feelings that we have naturally.  There is something supernatural that supersedes our natural feelings.  This is love.  Love is supernatural.  Love is God.  And only He enables us to love one another. 

At the meeting last night, I was praying for love.  Love can only come from God, and if you look at Galatians 5 the fruit of the Spirit, there's only one fruit.  The fruit is love and love is manifested in these ways; goodness, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control. 

Different Views

I know this one's kinda revolutionary.  I have decided to leave the church I was attending for the past 3 years.  The reason is the journal that follows. 

January 13, 2011  

There are fundamental differences in how we (Romanians & Romanian-Americans) view the Bible  & our walk with God.  We should not ask each other to change.  We should be what God has called us to be: 
^"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision.  For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. ^... So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God."

1 Corinthians 7:17-20,24

For example, I love my parents but I disagree fundamentally with their choices & the way they view church, family, relationships, prayer, even clothing at church. 

God has placed us in our culture, whether we grew up in Romania or grew up in America, He ordained it.  He made it so that we grew up in a specific time, in a specific culture. 

^"From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands."Acts 17:26   

Knowing that God made our parents generation a certain way & our generation a certain way, we should be careful not to think they are wrong, or for them to think that we are wrong.  I do not think we are called to stay together, just to "put up" with each other & fight over cultural differences.  It's like a vicious cycle.  I've learned that I can't & shouldn't ask my parents or my parent's generation to change, & I can't & won't change the things I believe to be the way I am, or the way our generation is, culturally speaking of course. 

I feel a different calling for my life & for this generation than what our parent's calling is.  I think even God ordained some of these differences in the way we see Bible, God, church, prayer, etc.  I think our generation is called to reach out & serve different people in different ways than our parents.

The question is can we still love & part ways?  Can we choose to live life differently & still be loving & unified in Christ?

Light & Love

January 15, 2011

 

You can't dispel hate with hate.  You'll never get rid of hate, anger, violence with more of the same thing.  Only love can dispel hate, kindness overcomes anger, light overcomes the dark.   Darkness will never overcome so long as there is light.  In the same way, hate will never overcome as long as there is love.  With both light & love, it matters not the amount.  Even a small amount can change everything. 

 

Someone bought me a clock that reads, "Faith to light the darkened sky."  It's hard to believe that my light can even make a difference, but even in the darkest skies a little light shines.  I can't change people, I can only live a changed life, shine a light.  Be different.  "The light keeps shining in the dark, & darkness has never put it out."  John 1:5. Darkness can't overcome the light, can never extinguish the light.  Darkness has not overpowered light.  Darkness can't lay a hand on light, it's got nothing on us.  Light wins.  Love wins!

God of the Break & Shatter

January 23, 2011

4 people have broken down and cried in front of me this week. Yes, gentlemen, they just so happen to be women. 

What is God trying to tell me?  Behind issues, problems, annoyances, situations, misunderstandings, behind sin, there are people.  There are people who sometimes cause the problem, but are broken by it.   In some of these situations, people have seen things wrongly, have been wrong, or have been wronged, no matter what is the reason for their brokenness, it still doesn't erase the fact that they are broken. 

These are people with emotions, hearts, & most of all, souls-that are so tender, so precious & so beautiful.  If only I could look at all humanity like I do when people cry.  God loves it when we are vulnerable, weak, broken-when we admit to all these things, we admit to being human.  I am convinced that God is in love with His creation-He loves us, that's why He saved us-He loves humans. 

I think because humans in their true, authentic, vulnerable state are profoundly beautiful.  God sees us for what we really are & the bare, naked human soul is something so beautiful, made in the likeness & image of God.  That is why we are beautiful because we are like God, beauty has to come from the source of Beauty, God. 

God has gone to great lengths to restore what's been marred, remake what's been destroyed & the truth is Christians, although broken, are deeply, holy beautiful.  Because God is in this.  We don't see the whole thing, I don't see the whole picture, but the fact that God comes to meet us here in our brokenness, despite our brokenness making things beautiful, this is what Christ does, and it is such a miracle that God would want to do this.  All this, God meeting us with His Emmanuel presence to make us beautiful, makes it all exceedingly more beautiful, more glorious (2 Corinthians 4). 

"Like a statue in a park of this war torn town

& its protest of the darkness & its chaos all around

with its beauty, how it matters, how it matters" -Sara Groves

Maybe this is why God has chosen to tell His love story in this way, with fallen man & sin, because only amidst the ashes can something be seen as immeasurably & starkingly beautiful. 

Contrasted against the dark night sky, the stars glitter beautifully more so than in the daytime.  Someone, God, made it this way intentionally.  God uses sin, hurt, brokenness as a backdrop for beauty, redemption, & love to be the center point, to make all these stand out, to spell out His name.  And just like the stars, our lives will "declare the Glory of God & show His handiwork." Psalm 19:1

Lately ...

A lot has been going on in my life in the past couple of months.  I've had my share of ups & downs, joys & disappointments.  Yet I see God in everything.  Because He is in everything.  Using it all to bring about His glory. 

The following posts will be about the things that I have been experiencing lately with friends, with family, with church. 

So, what can I say, enjoy?! ...

The Journey Home

I just graduated college when I wrote this journal.  It was a very confusing time for me.  As I was rereading this almost three years later, I find myself with the same sentiments.  Oh, life! When will you ever make sense? But life is... well just read the journal...

January 14, 2008

Life is but a journey where with calloused feet and dirt on our shoes, we walk.  Even though we don't exactly know where we're going, we can feel it.  We have this longing that just won't go away. This longing for the Promised Land. That place where our hopes, dreams and desire to be complete, known & loved fully & freely, become a reality.  Where we are beautiful.  

That's what I really want, that's what all of us really want.  No matter what stage I am in life, I will never be in that place, it's not home.  I'm not in the Promised Land-yet. 

But still there is a reason for this place-this wilderness, the desert.  God has come to meet us here, to walk with us, to reveal Himself to us.  To woo us, to awaken us to what we've been missing.  He is pursuing us, chasing us, calling us on home. 

God meets us in the wilderness & calls us to climb the mountain & stand beside Him on the rock.  You see, here on earth the Promised Land is not a place, it is God’s presence.  Moses was in the Promised Land when he was in God's presence.  But not fully, he only saw a glimpse here on earth.  We too get a mere glimpse.  We have no idea of what will be there, where it will be both a place & a presence.  In the Promised Land, there will be nothing holding us back from God's full presence.  His beauty unveiled-we will behold Him just as He is. Unrestrained-unabridged. In that land no evil can grow, no root of bitterness. Only goodness, only holiness.

God ever initiating & inviting us. Biding us to let Him lead us on. 

God the greatest gentlemen, my Knight in shining armor, my hero, my lifesaver, my Father, my brother, my lover.  God-ever romancing us with His whispers of Home. 

Home sweet Home. 

If only we knew...

I wrote this a few minutes ago.  It's something that came to me while thinking about why I struggle with obeying God.  Here goes...

January 12, 2011:

 If we do not know God as ultimately being good, then we do not know God.  Oft times, we have such trouble trusting God with the unknown & obeying Him with the known because we do not trust His motivations.  We don't trust His heart toward us.  We are deceived into thinking God is our enemy, when He is our lover.  That God is jealous of us, when He is jealous for us. That God wants control, when He wants our freedom.  If we really knew God, then we'd trust Him & obey Him. 

 If only we knew...

Therein lies the chief reason for existence.  The reason why we are here.  The reason we do church.  The reason for marriage & work & everything.  To know God. 

Sheesh... I want to know Him.

Confession

This is quite difficult: I am going to share a very personal journal.  One I wrote just last night. But this is me being vulnerable.  Whoever you are reading, here is my confession.  

 Earlier this week, I was feeling so proud of myself for starting a blog.  Pshhh... like these are my ideas anyway. I'm so prideful.  I don't have it all together. I know, I'm a sinner.
Anyway, here is last night's journal.   

January 7, 2011

What do I want? I want to be cool. I want to be popular. I want to be the one everyone wants. If I am really being real that is what I want. I want to be famous. I want to be lovely & charming & beautiful. How prideful I am. I don't want to be a person people feel sorry for, or a person people get annoyed by, or someone people just are sick of because I talk too much. Too this, too that.

 I guess a lot of times I don't believe that the hard way is the worth it way. I feel that taking the easy way out is better. I guess I haven't seen the results of doing the right thing.  I  started out doing the right thing thinking it will make me feel better & because it will work out the best for me. I was doing the right thing for my own advantage. Not out of the right motives, not the motivation of loving God. Selfish Linda.

I'm not right, I am so wrong here. Wow! Have I come so far that I am manipulating myself into thinking I'm right & I am doing the right thing? I've tricked myself. Now tell me how does that happen? Well I've believed the enemies lies. I've totally bought into it. And I thought it was God, and I thought I was doing the right thing.  Did I ever think that I myself can do the right thing? Is it not only in Christ that we are made righteous anyway?

Hmm.. Now I think I see why it's so hard for me to believe this truth. I'm living in the flesh & thinking it's the spirit, thinking I'm biblical when all along I am sowing my flesh. And I'm reaping my flesh- no duh? I like the flesh- I love the flesh, I want it to be all about me- I want to be the main character. My friend told  me yesterday that God is the main character & oft times we live like it's all about us, but this is God's story. I want it to my story.  When will my selfish heart get that it's not about me? The ultimate question is - do I love God or do I love myself? If I am going to be really honest, I have to say that I love myself way more ... shame on me ....

Hmmm well here I am God, I'm so fleshly, I've been faking it all this time. I've been sowing flesh, living in the flesh- pretending to be something I'm not. How do I get over this? I guess I don't do anything-  that's the gospel, God does it all. I just respond. God help me!

 I'm pretty down ... I'm pretty ruined, I'm undone.

l'chiam

My favorite miracle of Jesus has to be his first one.  Water into wine.  To that I say a big "O ya!" Anyone who disputes wine as being unbiblical can just go to John 2.    This is what God does with all of our lives.  He turns water into wine.  Nothing into something. Ashes into beauty. Sinners into Saints. Ugly into beautiful. Weakness into strength.  The process of making wine intrigues me, there is something deep here that we shouldn't miss.  For if we miss this, we'll miss the beauty of the process that leads to joy. Let me explain...

from my October 25, 2010 journal:

I don't want to be brash, hasty, or impatient. Lord you are teaching me your time is best.

"How wonderful, How lovely is Your name, You captivate our hearts, You save us by Your grace"-Leeland
Let me just add to that song, how lovely is Your way God, Your way is grace. It is all grace.

Even when You make me wait, it's grace, because You are showing me more of Your love. You are just saving it up, You are  preparing a great feast, we will say of You God, "You have kept the good wine until now!" John 2:10

My life is like wine -the more I wait for the wine, the better it will be.

God is fermenting my life.. making it better.. I'm going from grape juice to wine...

God is doing something in the fermenting process.

He is making something beautiful here in the darkness.

Something beautiful is happening in the silence, in the quiet.

He is making all things good, and all things better than they were ever before

Ughh... Lord you are so good!

The word's greatest pleasures will run down, will deplete, erode, fade...

but with God we go deeper & deeper into fullness, into abundance. It just gets better & better ...

We drink of God's water but soon, soon, we will drink deep, sweet, full wine..this is the Resurrection

Like good wine, God's servant is most valuable when taken through much pressure & difficulty that in the end brings much glory & everlasting joy

2 Corinthians 4:8-10
 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

Isaiah 61:3
and to help the sorrowing people of Jerusalem.
I will give them a crown to replace their ashes,
 and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow,
and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness.
Then they will be called Trees of Goodness,
trees planted by the Lord to show his greatness.

 Isaiah 61:7
Instead of being ashamed, my people will receive twice as much wealth.
Instead of being disgraced, they will be happy because of what they receive.
They will receive a double share of the land,
so their happiness will continue forever.

Psalm 30:5
Crying may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

 Psalm 126:5-6
Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!
He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.

"He makes wine that makes glad the heart of man" Psalm 104:15

 "Isn't it just like you to make wine out of dirty water"  -"Mud Song" by The Blackthorn Project

"Out of the presses of pain, comes the soul's best wine" -Streams in the Desert

The Great Romance

From my journal on September 6, 2010:

"Yes, God has loved us with an everlasting love...therefore with lovingkindness He has drawn us.. He will build us & we will be rebuilt." Jeremiah 31:3

God is ever romancing us with His painted skies ..His creation... splendor, majesty, glory

His songs, His insects, His harmony ...
His order, His sunrises, sunsets...
His poetry, His truth, His beauty...
His might, His strength, His leadership...
Who has the ability to turn night into day?  This is God ... this is His Great Romance

God doesn't manipulate us so that He can control us-what God wants to do is love us.  God doesn't desire empty words & mindless praise. God doesn't want soldiers, He wants lovers... He doesn't want law abiders, He wants a bride, a real love relationship-where we can be truly ourselves. We are His Beloved.

So maybe this doesn't sit too well with the male readers, but I say to you guys who are reading, that you too enjoy the benefits of being in love.  You are not immune to the beauty & wonder of love on any level.  Of course, this is a girl's perspective & some would complain that I'm a hopeless romantic.  Someone once told me that I'm a hopeful romantic. Hopeful romantic. Yes. I like that better.  As far as I'm concerned, being a hopeful romantic is completely Biblical.  Romance is the greatest metaphor that is used to describe Christ & His Beloved Church. To that I say a loud & wholehearted "Amen"! 

The Great Romance  idea inspired by Ted DeKker's "The Circle Trilogy" books & by Jason Gray's song "More Like Falling in Love"

Where am I going?

A good friend bought me "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers.  Today's devotional from Mr. Chambers reminded me of a journal I wrote a while ago.                                                                                                                                                                            

"Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you.  God does not tell you what He is going to do-He reveals to you who He is." -O.C.


Here is my journal from June 15, 2008:


Today at church the assistant pastor preached about Genesis 12- a moving sermon about Abram.  One thing that stuck out was "You'll never know exactly what God wants you to do-as in the whole picture-you'll know enough for the next step.  God wants you to walk with Him & learn to trust Him for the next step."


We must constantly be waiting on God's lead to tell us what to do next... "Then the Lord appeared to Abram and said.." Genesis 12:7
God often gives us lofty hopes & grand promises with no clear direction on how they will be accomplished.  God doesn't want to reveal the directions because He wants to reveal Himself. 


On my way home, I thought of when people give me directions.  Usually they write the whole thing down but it's very different when that person is in the car with me.  They just wait until I get to the next point & then tell me where to go next. They do this because we are on the journey together. And so it is with God.  God doesn't need to tell me exactly every step because He will tell me on the way, He is on the journey with me.  He is with me, Emmanuel.


Some other thoughts on this topic from other devotionals I've read years ago:

"I am learning to trust God by stepping out into an adventure of obedience & discovering for myself that He is trustworthy.  Help me to take the next step of faith, even when I don't see where I'm going.  I will choose to trust You."

"God's heart is to reach people in every city, country, and continent, and that often involves a risk on our part."