From a journal written on November 26, 2010
As I was struggling with things happening in my life and my very impatient heart:
I want things done quickly, I see things and I want change now now now. I don't have any longsuffering, or patience.
I haven't been doing a lot of loving lately. When you are patient you are showing love. Being patient is the opposite of being selfish. It takes sacrifice to wait for people. It's an inconvenience & it seems like a waste of time. I guess that is my biggest issue with waiting, it seems like a big waste of time.
But God is patient, does God ever waste time? What if patience wasn't postponing the plan- what if patience was the plan? What if God had in all His mind in all eternity past to wait for us: isn't His salvation & the way it came patience? Isn't our sanctification despite our mistakes & our humanness patience?
Patience is love because love waits. Love doesn't wait for nothing, love waits because waiting will bring the best thing. Love waits because waiting produces change.
When we wait, we are not placing our hope in ourselves because we are just waiting. We are essentially not doing anything. I have always been such a go getter, such a "just do it" kinda girl that I saw patience as not being productive. Technically, when I wait, I'm not being productive but I'm relying on anothers' productivity, on God's productivity.
The amazing thing about God is even when He "waits" He's working & when I am waiting the amazing thing is God is working. He is working, He is the ultimate go getter, He is doing something. And when I wait, I realize it was never me anyway, it was always Him doing it all along.
Wow God wow. Teach me to be patient & wait on You & trust that You are bringing about a beautiful story while I wait. And so the waiting begins... tick tock tick tock ...
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