Cover me

Here's a poem I wrote November 3, 2012 

blinking lights & sinking ships with no where to rest our heads at night

twisting tunnels & dark intentions

no wonder we don't know where our heart is.

Lonely only looking for someone to own me

we have candy coated idols, convenient little statues we keep in our back pockets 

try to tell me but it doesn't add up, they're answers are not enough

catch a reflection of myself in the mirror

do I even know who I am?

do I even know where my heart is?

 heartless, heartflips, heartsits alone empty waiting to be filled

in a room by myself

empty chair

emty walls layed bare

can you tell me who I am?

can you tell me who I belong to?

I want to be me, but the struggle is that what I want is already trademarked by everyone else

what if the thing that sets us apart is the fact that we're really all the same?

 the same need rushing with the same speed full force striving to fill the empty gap inside my chest

why is it that we all like Halloween?

 do we like to dress like someone else & pretend just for one second that our lives has significance

 that we really are having fun

 that life is really black and white instead of a blend of monochromatic grays

 it's either trick or treat, this or that, but if only it were so easy

we are a blend of trick & treats, good and bad and no matter how hard we try

 how cute we dress we can't get rid of the gnawing feeling that something is missing that when we ring the door bell what we really want is to be invited in

 given more than candy, more than a greeting

we all want that feeling

of a warm fire, of a hot cup of chocolate waiting for us, with an embrace from someone who really knows us

because at the end of the day we want the feeling that we are known & enjoyed apart from our costume

what if we were laid bare, naked, exposed, even though we show it all, behind our tight clothes & low cut shorts are the layers & layers of flannel that cover us more than clothes

covers our hearts, our walls go up, afraid to show the world who we really are

because the fact you show off your body doesn't mean you have a naked soul

what if instead of dressing to impress we expose our souls

 what would it be like to really be known & left without any weapons of our own

we would be vulnerable & unashamed

it's just like adam to cover up what we cannot explain cuz

searching through coat racks & piles of shoes won't tell us who our soul is won't get rid of our need & if we walked around barefoot like some children around the world would we know that we all have the same needs

just fill it up with different seeds, dig up the dirt water it, nurture it

hoping that in the end it will produce a harvest of satisfaction but don't we know what will grow instead is thorns and weeds, lack of green

cuz what we want is to be full to the brim overflowing cups, but our cups flow up with stuff that we try so hard to push down like sadness, and loss, grief and hurt, & even the best dressed of us can't make it work

 what if we gave that to the one who became unrobed for us, who choose the cross to give us the gown of righteousness what if the picture of the bride in white is really what we are we've been searching for worth in the wrong eyes cause pintrest & instragram can't tell me who I really am

& even all the ideas all rolled into one will leave me feeling like a fall, autumn winter spring, summer fall with our leaves withering & what if we are all like trees empty branches waiting for death to come but when we surrender to it & finally give in to it we realize hope is coming

a little bird perched singing a melody, a melody that says who you are is not what you wear, who you are is made in him who knew no sin, & we can be clean, and we can be known by the one who made us, we were foreknown, planned ahead, planned by our parent to be part of a life with no end, god send, Jesus came to live among us so thank you father that you cover us clothes aren't good enough to cover us but jesus blood can cover us